Thursday, November 14, 2002

Plain Jane...

Yeah, I'm a plain jane. Don't really get dressed up, really don't go anywhere. Give me an old pair of jeans and a baggy sweatshirt and I'm happy. Never been one to get dolled up to go the mall. I'm so plain that I never get noticed. So now I'm like, why bother. I dress for comfort. Always have, always will. Back in the day I was a tomboy. I wore the same things the guys did. Flavor Lees, Dotted Nikes, Russell Sweatsuits, Jordan's. I went to an all girl high school. I never dressed up. For what? I lived so far from school, that I had to catch 2 buses. I got up so early, the last thing I wanted to be was "girly". When school let out, I went straight to Hardees for my after-school job. After getting off at 11pm, I went home and sewed. Then I was up at 6 again. Who had time to get they nails did. Plus fake nails got in the way when I tried to sew. My hair was short then, it was wash and wear. Never have I set in a hair dresser's chair, for what? All that work and my hair is gonna frizz up when I go outside. Getting my hair done is a waste of money. I guess all those years of non-chalant behavior regarding my appearance have caught up with me. Now I'm a Plain Jane. No make up, no earrings, no nail polish, no dressy clothes, no high heels (only in the summer), hair is never "done". Somewhere, somehow, all the hard work has robbed my of my "femininity". But I'm still very much a woman. Femininity is your behavior, not what you wear. I don't go out much. For what? I can get drunk at home, I don't have to drive, and I'm steps away from my bed when I pass out. In other words, the club doesn't offer me anything. All those years of having fashion shows at clubs, and not getting home until 8am, has left a bitter taste in my mouth. Rest and relaxtion mean a lot to me. I guess I'm getting old. Funny thing is, I've been wanting rest and relaxtion for as long as I remember. I got burnt out at an early age.

I don't see myself changing for anyone. I'm always going to be plain. So I guess I'll be by myself until I find someone who loves me for me and respects me for me. I man that understands that sexuality is on the inside, not the out.

Peace!

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