Hmmmm... I start my job an hour earlier now. 7am instead of 8. To be honest, I don't know how I get up in time. Maybe it's because the first hour here is so quiet. You don't have to see many folks or talk to them. Gives me a little time to myself. Something I don't get much of. I'm finding that life is made up of a series of uphill battles. And well, my legs hurt from climbing uphill for so long. It's like when you're up, you're up. When you're down, you're down. I'm losing motivation. (Hey it happens) I remember being so happy for a moment. And then feeling nothing. I wonder if everyone feels the same. I wonder if anyone even reads this. I wonder if anyone ever cares. This morning over my eggs, yes I had eggs this morning, I was contemplating life. As I was eating my muffin, I started thinking. I remember Robin putting her muffin in the toaster oven and we joked her about it. I was like "Robin, it's not done enough for you?" She would be like no girl, I want it brown. She would nearly burn it every time. Funny thing is I miss the smell of burnt muffin in the morning. I miss Alicia hogging up the copy machine. I miss those colorful Raggedy Ann socks she would wear. And she was always so busy. She never sat down. I miss sending song of the day and photo of the day. Things will never be the same. I'm going to miss the smiles, the laughter, the frustrations, the jokes. I miss them more then I ever imagined. People have a way of coming into your life and you never realize just how important they are until they are gone.
Every day at work is just a little bit sadder. All of a sudden I'm beginning to realize that maybe I'm not meant to be at this job. Who knows.