Thoughts...

It's not that late at night, but I often have thoughts. Some I write down, some I don't. It's Thanksgiving Night. One of the biggest party nights of the year and I'm updating my blog. That's probably all I will do tonight. Don't want to go anywhere. Don't feel like getting drunk. I really didn't spend the day with my family, just some close friends. Deep down inside remembering Thanksgiving pasts. I remember Poly City games and going to Fantasy on Thanksgiving night. I was too young to get in so we had to beg Wayne. But it was all love. They didn't serve alcohol, so it was ok with my moms. I sure do miss being a kid sometimes. I miss not having bills and only worrying about sewing and school. Kinda wish I could have those days back. Now, it's just bills, bills, and more bills. And then I dream about bills. And as much as I'm in denial, I have to admit the truth to myself. I'm just not happy anymore. For the past several years I have been miserable. I try not to think about it and put on this great facade. Bur the truth always comes out in the end. I feel guilty for being unhappy. Maybe because it could be so much worst. Maybe I'm being selfish. Who knows. Just venting to this blog. No person to vent to.