Thoughts...

It's not that late at night, but I often have thoughts. Some I write down, some I don't. It's Thanksgiving Night. One of the biggest party nights of the year and I'm updating my blog. That's probably all I will do tonight. Don't want to go anywhere. Don't feel like getting drunk. I really didn't spend the day with my family, just some close friends. Deep down inside remembering Thanksgiving pasts. I remember Poly City games and going to Fantasy on Thanksgiving night. I was too young to get in so we had to beg Wayne. But it was all love. They didn't serve alcohol, so it was ok with my moms. I sure do miss being a kid sometimes. I miss not having bills and only worrying about sewing and school. Kinda wish I could have those days back. Now, it's just bills, bills, and more bills. And then I dream about bills. And as much as I'm in denial, I have to admit the truth to myself. I'm just not happy anymore. For the past several years I have been miserable. I try not to think about it and put on this great facade. Bur the truth always comes out in the end. I feel guilty for being unhappy. Maybe because it could be so much worst. Maybe I'm being selfish. Who knows. Just venting to this blog. No person to vent to.

Shell Shopping...

I'm not a good girl. I'm a good woman. I'm almost 30 and to be honest, I don't have time for high school games. I would rather be alone then to deal with all this nonsense. I'm really contemplating disappearing for a while and hiding in a shell. Need to go shell shopping though. Have a feeling I'm gonna be there for a while. Time to cut folks off. Can't deal with the lies and games anymore. I often try to emerge myself into other activities, but the lonliness can get the best of me. I'm only human. Eventually, the same result happens over and over again. So, now, it's all about me. I have to do me. Sista is tired right about now. It sometimes takes something real small to remind you of how things are. It's about to be Thanksgiving. It's time for me to think about life and my place in it. It's time for me to give Thanks to GOD for all the people in my life that have made a difference. To all my true friends that go out of their way to make sure I do well. Therefore, if you aren't my true friend, or my business associate, or my family, you're being cut. Nothing personal. Need to get rid of this extra weight. Besides, the Friday after Thanksgiving is Sale Day. I'm sure I'll find a shell real cheap.

Disappearing Acts...

I sometimes encounter disappearing acts. You ever meet someone, and stuff goes really well, and then they disappear. I'm like okay, what did I do? For the record, that's a disappearing act. Lately, I've been kinda sick and I wish I had a Knight in Shining Armor to take care of me. Funny thing is I have a lot of "friends", but none of them gave a rat's ass that I was sick. Now, don't get me wrong, I only have a cold, but damn, no love. It's all good though. Maybe if folks didn't disappear, they would've known I was sick. Oh well! What can I do about it now. Chalk it up to a lesson and move on.